Daily writing prompt

What are you most proud of in your life?

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Should mere survival be something to raise the feelings of pride in a human being ? In my case it was the first word, descriptor that came to mind. Every ‘normal’ aspect of my life in England was stripped from me. Liberty, children, education and most recently I was forced to strip by police officers in my own home on bodycam footage… why ? Because they wanted to stop or intimidate me into not giving further evidence against men and women who had covered for a small number of officers who offended sexually against women and children. Is it possible ? … yes. Was I surprised ? ….No sadly not. This is the regime in England. It is now a country that has entirely lost any moral compass, any aspect of truth, or searching for truth, keeping society safe. Now it is most simply a country of policing by criminality. Officers compromised by links to serious organised crime, class A drug dealing/importation and vetting of officers that fails entirely to trace criminal offending, civil findings against officers.

Yes survival of the regime is possibly the thing that I am most proud of in my life in England. As I watch the news stories from England flashed across the world. I am mindful that the regime as it stands, is entirely supported by males and females who have stood by whilst massive crowds demonstrate simply to try and glorify the murder of Jewish mothers and children. Justifying the slaughter and butchery as somehow comparable to war. Yet this is not war. War has rules of engagement. England having disregarded international law entirely and openly in so many aspects of governance, is now the natural home for men and women who also support breaking these rules. As so many regimes have done on other continents. Yet as a G7 country I am left proud only to have survived the regime… This is a very difficult admission to make about the country I served and was born and raised in. The anti-semetism and calls for Jihad that I experienced directly when living there are just a fact of life.

Daily writing prompt

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

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Escaping persecution be that gender, race religion or war… has always be somewhere in my psyche. Growing up I knew about refugees because in school I shared classes with children whose parents had moved to England to seek refuge. I never really thought too deeply about what that meant, because everyone was safe and in education, homes and we all played and learnt and spent time together.

Beyond this It was an unremarkable concept to me that famillies escaped and went to safe places. All different sorts of backgrounds but refuge nonetheless. Was it laziness that some people were unable to work ? No, either because refugees were restricted from doing so, or because they were unable to do so due to trauma and recovery…

I was not longer able to work in England, due to the targeting and this led recently to an extraordinary set of events. The first being that when the case was held against the police officer and a number of others who were at that time still working with Hampshire Police, I decided to bring a case about an attempt to kill me before the I was due to give evidence. It happened on my policing beat from many years before. A military area with the Navy and a private business that managed CCTV. The company refused to provide the CCTV or report the attempt to the police force locally, instead they contacted the station where the rapist was employed.

This was what could have been a very serious attempt to kill me so when the case was settled about the attacks by the police officer I bought a private civil case against the company that covered for the persons who tried to kill me. Then the most remarkable thing happened. The company instructed solicitors, of whom one was married to an ex military male in the area. She tried to have the case thrown out, I was quite initimidated having had death threats from another ex military men in relation to the case. I reissued proceedings not as had been issued a gender based attack ( which at the time i assumed was why ) but instead as an attack to stop me giving evidence about the officer and two males with private companies who had accepted government money to try and threaten, intimidate, attack and threaten to kill me if I gave evidence.

As is the same in criminal cases, the people negatively involved become obvious as they seek out trying to influence any proceedings that affect them. So in this particular case the first person to break cover was a High Court Judge. Aging and ready to retire, his special interest cases historically were in the geographic area where all three males had worked and lived in the past. Although the law did not support him he tried to remove the case from enforcement in court. Unusually a lower court agreed to hear the case when he refused to do so.

Then the IT interference notched up and strange messages, missing transactions, problems with phone ( as had happened before ) began in earnest ( all three males highly competent IT specialists with, in two cases high level government security clearance. Then the emails began. It become unclear if theses were genuine as they were from a man purporting to be a solicitor for the Attorney Generals office. He was not listed on the SRA website and then The same High Court Judge decided to try to intervene in the previous case with the police officer rapist, by again breaching legal process to throw the matter out of court. Given the use of technology by sex offenders and in this case one had offended sexually against very young children, this intervention was shocking and suspicious.

Then a court date was issued and given that the persons responsible are all ex military males and females or their families, the risks were enormous. Given that the males were covering for not just violent sex offenders but child sex offenders is not always enough, the brotherhood of the armed forces can sometimes spill over to blind targeting of anyone who tries to ensure that trained killers do not go off plan using these skills to commit crimes.

Faced with the unenviable situation of the previous case and even members of my family targeted to try and silence my evidence, I literally had to decide what to do. Not working and studying was essential for safety, seeking refuge was the only option. Healthcare refused, domestic violence refuge refused when it is government workers who offend it is not easy to or safe to bring cases. So unlike many women who have suffered unthinkable violence by males in England, I leave to stay with my parents in Canada. I seek temporary asylum because of the circumstances and the position the males hold. It is exhausting and frightening and the attacks in Israel, once again seeking the annihilation of Jews, the risks are even higher. It is frightening that gender violence, targeting women, children and vulnerable groups, feels more controversial given that i had also discovered family Jewish heritage.

So as I rest and try to relax for three weeks until the court date, do I consider it lazy ?….. Nope I consider it essential.

Daily writing prompt

What principles define how you live?

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This question has made me reflect very much on my situation and choices as a woman. These four values are what I would consider the definition of a strong and safe community. This sounds so simple, so idealistic, yet really are these not the principles that all people deserve to live with ?

I learnt these values in my childhood, from education, independent reading and the values of my family. The freedom I had in formative years gave me a real sense of How to develop critical thinking of my situation. Living in poverty, the ‘respectable’ working poverty. My Nana employed by the Aerospace industry, where she worked producing the secret documents that one expects to be written in such a place. Trustworthy, hardworking and independent despite her raising three children. ( The eldest my biological mother )

Yet these values, the Freedoms that my great grandfather fought with the RAF for seem somehow to be less important. Let’s be realistic and honest. My grandparents were the war generation. WW11. This war where secretly millions of Jewish men women and children were identified across Europe and murdered. That is not racism, that is far beyond, yet that is how it started. Yet the Jewish numbers in the world present less that two percent of the population.

Fear in adulthood has been a constant part of my life. Not in childhood, where family and schooling provided safe spaces. Yet in adulthood, I truly discovered the nature of the environment that I was born into. That is a male patriarchal society, where honesty, freedom and safety were characteristics that were not particularly valued. The ideology of male superiority and hanging effigy’s of dead Jewish males on the wall of every worship space in the country, were indications of the reality. Not pictures or images of the Jewish man after he was resurrected to life… no the dead lifeless body of a Jewish man nailed to a cross to die by an old empire.

There were other males from other races and backgrounds in biblical times, but only one selected, the same as WW11. I grew up with this imagery and ideology and maybe given that my family members had lived in Israel and America, I was always frightened that perhaps that deathly image would be me? Or my family? … The world communities that were represented in my educational work environments, often reassure me that the country was a place of safe refuge, that there was nothing to fear.

Yet as time went by what I have seen is that the values I hold were indeed dangerous to me. That until 2016 I had been detained over five times, called and identified as mad, psychotic and dangerous. Why ? Because I spoke up about gender and familial and violence. I told the truth about attacks that I experienced and did so as the person was a risk to not just me but the community as he was and still is serving as a police officer in Hampshire, England. I lived in fear, even during my later remarriage, I still faced the targeting from having spoken up against the man. This is not a race issue, it is a gender issue. Women face this treatment and their children are also likewise targeted regardless of their race.

Do I regret speaking up telling the truth ? Sometimes… but generally no. Being part of a community is collective and the safety of communities can only be sustained if people are able to tell the truth and for the safety of all communities, people who offend against the most vulnerable in governance positions are not allowed to continue in post. I was denied my physical freedoms and lied about to protect that person. When this was unsuccessful I gave evidence in a civil case. His assosciates who had tried to kill me to prevent the evidence being heard were unsuccessful and as I approach the second and last court case in the matter, I realise that during the left wing rule of the country of birth all of those values that I learnt were systematically removed.

The use of contractors funded by the diocese in the area, sought to subvert the court process and most worryingly did so in order to protect child sex offenders, not within the community, but the Church of England. Unlike the Roman Catholic Church that apologised and made changes to protect children, the Church of England sought to try and not just cover the offending but burn the evidence so to speak! Since the targets of these minority of males offending was children and women from the most vulnerable of backgrounds or trafficked to the country, or the charity work that they funded in Gaza, Africa and other states across the world. The idea that all males are a risk to women and children is incorrect. However if there is not honest discourse about the risks, then communities cannot be safe. If offenders are allowed to work in governance where they have access to decision making, or direct access to potential victims, then something has gone very wrong.

This is what happened in my and other cases and those values are now more important than ever !

Daily writing prompt

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

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It was Chrstmas and after the fun of presents food and family, there was something in the air, not hostility, just the feeling of suspense, like something was happening, the same as the furtive preparations, before celebratons, like birthdays, Easter and Chrismas. This was something different, I cannot really describe. I was nine years of age soon to be ten…

The new colour televsion was in place in the newly decorated lounge. The film on television ended with a mountain with the top cut off and a computer called ‘Dave’. It was always Mum who put me to bed. But on that evening, after the film and treats, my brother and I after bath and pyjamas were beckoned into my bedroom ( the largest in the family home) I climbed in between the duvet and sheet and my brother and dad perche in the edge of the bed.

I remember him saying ‘ I am leaving tomorrow’ I was shocked i wasnt sure why … I was later to findout. I was not sad I was frightened. What would happen as he was the person who worked, paid for shoes, trips, school uniform and all that went with it. Who was going to do this ? Mum was always busy working from home and looking after the home and us. The fear was real. I awoke the next morning and and as he packed, I left the house, I wondered to main road and thougt carefully. Mum had no car and could not drive. She was not going to be able to take us to clubs and fun stuff and how was anything special ever going to happen ? As I stood at nine years of age I wondered if we would die ? As I wondered how we woud have enough money for food ?

As I stood there considering these very adult aspects of life, with clarity and consideration, I made a decision that no matter what I would do everything I could to take his place in the home and keep us safe. I just did not quite know at that moment how. It was at that point I felt and became an adult. I realised the adult responsibilities and took them in that moment. I remember everyone behaving like I should be sad and devastated. In truth I was frightened and angry. The latter not an attractive quality for females in the 1970s !!

From that age I became completely self reliant. I dressed and bathed and organised. Imade my bedroom a sanctuary and created a safe space at home. I was soon to discover that the reason for him leaving was a woman from a different country. Given a work visa in England with no intention of settling in the country. She arranged visas and immigration and work and study so that he could leave the United Kingdom. My medical for the immigration was done in Southampton, the arrangements made. There was no question of us leaving the UK and it was clear holidays only.

My adulting from the age of 9 years of age was supported entirely by the respite that my mums relationship with a Middle Eastern banker gave me. Chances to visit places, I would otherwise never have experienced and most importantly of all, emotionally supporting my mum and helping make her adulting with such enormous reposnsibilities bearable. She worked hard, she provided with the support of my Nan, I worked from the age of thirteen. I stood up for my Mum whenever the neighbours were rue about her. I ignored the snide comments about her and us. I studied as hard as I could and made the very best of the circumstances.

As we say even now my sister ( a very special friend at school ) and her parents provided sanctuary and safety for me. I was often visiting and staying with them. I was welcomed and fed and stayed for Ramadam more than once. She too had a part time job and family located abroad.

These people who supported me, gave me respite from the adult responsibilities that on that day I took on as I did not want to die !

Through all of the years the adult responsibilities and decision making have staye with me. The heady days of childhood I experienced were fantastic. I however view the decision Itook that day just after Christmas to be the best decision I have ever made. I knew adulting meant doing the right thing, not getting into trouble, using drugs was out of the question and being responsible was the key.

When I was attacked in later life and stood up as an adult against the immature secretive actions of violent men and sex offending, I was taken back to that day. When I was locked up, drugged, accused of lying, being psychotic and disruptive, I realised that I had to be the adult. As the men involved played at attempted murder, child abuse, attacks and the like, I maintained composure and boundaries and constructive decision making.

Forced to leave the Police Service to protect a rapist and in turn child sex offenders in local governance positions, was not unsurprising to me and as such I just adulted through it. Nothing was a surprise when aduting starts at nine and the reality of the country and the men in it is a daily struggle. There are no real surprises !

As I face the world reality of the entitlement of childhood extending ino adulthood in so many cases, the ideology of self entitlement rather than hard work. The ideology of woke Marxist ideologies, I truely see how in my grandparents lifetime, six million Jewish men women and children were murdered systematically. Because in the country where I live the population are so incapable of adulting they threw a street party to celebrate the murder of Jewish men women children and babies, hostage taking. Adulting is resposnisibiltiy, safety and standing up for safety to live free from the fear of violence and abuse for all !. As Israel rightly warns civillians to leave the area where terrorists were operating, using them as human shields to blame the west for any deaths, with an open border with Eygpt to cross. I see that the country that locked me away, drugged me took my babies and ordered on pain of criminal prosecution to allow them with a rapist, child abuser, to protect the reputation of the police force locally. As the same people I grew up around sneered and revelled in threatening to kill me after not organising medical care for my biological mother, then I realise why this question is asked. Adulting has become a rare thing in England !

Daily writing prompt

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

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This sounds as though it is a very basic goal, in fact one that is not really personal, but environmentally specific. Safety is not a singular goal, it relies on a collective sense of values and behaviours. However when I look at the attacks that I have experienced and attacks that I have either witnessed or many years ago professionally statemented, it is a very real concern, as it is not a given for women and children and other vulnerable groups in England and other countries I am certain both anecdotally and statistically. Therefore it is a goal that I write about in most aspects of this blog and my writing.

More specifically this is about safety for communities that is both a moral and statutory responsibility of governance. The unwritten contract that in return for service, taxes of all forms and citizenship, the state uses those funds to deliver a functioning system that protects as much as possible the most vulnerable, equitably and as a central theme to all services that taxes fund. When this fails, when people are excluded from societal functions due to risk, injury or intimidation disability as a direct result of state/governance staff then that becomes a matter for redress.

I often write of safety and that being a related to finance. As I have given evidence already against a number of members of the police service of England and Wales, I prepare to give evidence for the second time this year. The intimidation that has been regularly detailed in this blog has meant me finding myself homeless in England for the fifth time in my life in England. Like many I am not street homeless, however the state staff action and the males paid privately from tax payers cash to intimidate and threaten and attack me as a woman to silence me from speaking about the violence I have experienced due entirely to my gender, is the reason for the homelessness. This time as was the case when I first gave a statement against the attacker a serving police officer in Hampshire, I have sought temporary refuge for safety until the court case. The council who fund the perpetrators wages, despite the civil court confirming his offences and the covering by the legal adviser for the authority and a small number of his colleagues.

I laugh and joke as much as possible about the targeting that has included, burglary, theft of personal low value items, interference with IT and messaging and emailing. My children targeted by military males and reservists and their families and private businesses who seek to escape liability for other offending by covering for the actions of these males. So safety is a massive personal goal. This is not easy and is lifelong process. When one in six males present a significant risk to women men and children and the equivalent number of women or perhaps more are prepared to cover for these actions, then the challenges of safety are ever present.

As I have secured a new home in England having had to sell and move many times to escape the targeting to intimidate me. I have settled on a house that has shutters, cctv, alarm system and in a road that is a no through, in a city that has trailblazing safety measures of the community.

This has a cost. The offender holds a position of trust and as such when the documentation detailed that he used his work position to try and escape prosecution with assistance from his colleagues ( a small number !) So safety is the goal as it should be. Corruption in other Home Counties forces Surrey and TVP have provided support to Hampshire desperately trying to escape any liability for the actions of a small number of their staff. This decision is not just flawed but simply assisting offenders. When governance becomes the offender then society has failed. Sadly Hampshire and Surrey unlike other forces, are steadfast in trying to cover the corruption of males and females in policing and other governance positions or government funded companies.

Reporting the activities and the fraud that has been used to protect offenders is the only answer. Kent and the Metropolitan Police have worked tirelessly to remove corrupt officers. Sadly these policies take time and the outcome of the court case is simply that compensation ( to provide in the first instance the replacement of the home that I lost ) This is my personal goal to move safely. Because in Hampshire in 2023, environment and security features are the only way to have security. They have a cost and my goal is to give evidence and write and blog and report tirelessly not just for my safety, but the safety of other women men and children.

This has been the hardest goal I have ever had. Since the death of my husband the safety issue was highlighted immediately. As I look back to his illness and his knowledge of what had happened to me, he spoke to me of focusing in safety. He gave me clear instructions on how to remain safe. His instructions have been tested to the limits and without any shadow of a doubt he and his colleague who also died of cancer ( was used as as part of the fraud ) I reflect on his instructions and of the tremendous support from family and friends. Safety is collective and something we are all responsible for.

NB : THERE IS A NEW APP CALLED HOLLIEGUARD. IT IS DOWNLOADABLE TO THE SMART PHONE AND CONTACTS ARE ADDED. IT HAS GPS AND IF SHAKEN YOUR PHONE AUTOMATICALLY RECORDS VIDEO AND SOUND AND SENDS IT TO THE CONTACTS AND CLOUD. SO IF THE PERPETRATOR IS A POLICE OFFICER/KIDNAPNAPPING, ILLEGAL DETENTION IT IS RECORDED AND EVEN IF THE POLICE REMOVE YOUR PHONE THE ACTIONS AND LOCATION OF YOUR DETENTION IS LOCATABLE EVEN IF PHONE IS SWITCHED OFF.

I remember stood in the reception area of the court. My baby was just four years of age. Very poorly with a high temperature she screamed and cried. I stood in the reception area of the court in Birkenstocks skirt shirt my child wrapped in a blanket crying and had to hand her over on the instruction by a social worker that in England jusdges cannot veer from. I was devastated. I have never felt more out of place anywhere than that day it was the defining moment of my life in England the moment when it was no longer my home. No longer the country I had considered it to be….

Daily writing prompt

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

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Sometines I used to say that perhaps I had a touch of tourettes. I do nt want to make light of what is a very serious medical condition, however it is very clear that at various times so far in my life, swearing has been a form of expression that all too often becomes the way of my expressing emotionally where I am with any given situation. It always has been a matter of concern that expressing in terms that are considered potential offences in England, this means I have always felt a certain guilt at my use of language that although it expresses, punctuates, not unlike a spoken highlighter pen that lifts text on page. The use of expletives can bring humour and expression. Ihave to reconcile this potentially illegal activity. I do this solely by assuring that I never use such language as a weapon towards another. Merely as a smattering of expression. There is a marked difference I believe. However I am always concerned that law breaking is not ideal, so perhaps Fuck and other expletives are the words I perhaps should consider changng this aspect of my language… ?

Daily writing prompt

Why do you blog?

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It sounds an extreme answer, it is however true. In the midst of the lockdown, I was laid in bed lounging, I had done yoga and had the one hour walk ( as the only exit allowed ) The police van was parked at the corner of the street opposite the park. I had applied to return to Unoversity as i was no longer able to work in England. This was an awful year. IT issues, unable to reference work, the worst point being an entire piece references disappearing and instead referencing of New York Jewish scholars appeared in place. I was devastated as I wanted to complete not just a degree but to be able to write.

Then I returned to Portsmouth and Southsea, the city I had served so many years before. A city with a proud history of community and values. I made the academic transfer. It was so difficult to reconcile, the attacks I had experienced whilst living there and yet the massive support I felt from the community I had served. The first term, project one was to publish a blog, write three times a week on the subject of being a student. I tentatively set up the blog and wrote entirely about the reasons why I was at 49 years of a age a student. Week one I messaged my tutor to ask if he was on vacation ? The blog was being read in South America.. the answer was no.

These number grew and I wrote daily entirely from a gender specific persepctive that being female. There were problems, as the number of people and countries where the blog is read grew so to did the dificulties of being a surivor of sexual violence and torture by a police officer and two contractors. The behaviours were terrifying, thefts, damage, threats to kll and significant attempts to do so.

Yet as I write these things do not matter so much, having a voice is so much more important than anything else. It has been difficult but having the blog and my voice, at least in typewritten form has saved my life. Its that important, because women and children and vulnerable adults are unsafe when a country disregards human rights and responsibilities, where a kingdom decides to seek to overule law and place the vulnerable at risk of death. This blog saved my life. It is as has always been the case to speak, perhaps for others who do not have a voice. To set the examplr to stand up against injustice and tyranny. This blog explored the process to the High Court of England ruling that in my case (that means potentially others) police officers had covered for rape by a serving officer. The death threats the attacks failed and this blog is in part what saved my life. People who themselves are survivors or have faced such shocking treatment, read it and I have been supported in so many ways.

Blogging has helped me process my trauma, speak freely and eventually given teh evidence that the local government in Winchester did not want heard. It is still a priviedge to blog and i am publishing the first book this fall. This blog without one shadow of a doubt saved my life…..

So having my house flooded and a long drying process I have been struck in England and all of the intimidation and attacks that go with that.

This makes me very homesick, for the field the people my fantastic neighbours and everything about my adopted home in France….

Today having reported two thefts and experienced the worst treatment by a judge and several solicitors who public school educated consider the safety and welfare of vulnerable adults and children as nothing to do with them. That is England so today like every day I am homesick ….