It was Chrstmas and after the fun of presents food and family, there was something in the air, not hostility, just the feeling of suspense, like something was happening, the same as the furtive preparations, before celebratons, like birthdays, Easter and Chrismas. This was something different, I cannot really describe. I was nine years of age soon to be ten…
The new colour televsion was in place in the newly decorated lounge. The film on television ended with a mountain with the top cut off and a computer called ‘Dave’. It was always Mum who put me to bed. But on that evening, after the film and treats, my brother and I after bath and pyjamas were beckoned into my bedroom ( the largest in the family home) I climbed in between the duvet and sheet and my brother and dad perche in the edge of the bed.
I remember him saying ‘ I am leaving tomorrow’ I was shocked i wasnt sure why … I was later to findout. I was not sad I was frightened. What would happen as he was the person who worked, paid for shoes, trips, school uniform and all that went with it. Who was going to do this ? Mum was always busy working from home and looking after the home and us. The fear was real. I awoke the next morning and and as he packed, I left the house, I wondered to main road and thougt carefully. Mum had no car and could not drive. She was not going to be able to take us to clubs and fun stuff and how was anything special ever going to happen ? As I stood at nine years of age I wondered if we would die ? As I wondered how we woud have enough money for food ?
As I stood there considering these very adult aspects of life, with clarity and consideration, I made a decision that no matter what I would do everything I could to take his place in the home and keep us safe. I just did not quite know at that moment how. It was at that point I felt and became an adult. I realised the adult responsibilities and took them in that moment. I remember everyone behaving like I should be sad and devastated. In truth I was frightened and angry. The latter not an attractive quality for females in the 1970s !!
From that age I became completely self reliant. I dressed and bathed and organised. Imade my bedroom a sanctuary and created a safe space at home. I was soon to discover that the reason for him leaving was a woman from a different country. Given a work visa in England with no intention of settling in the country. She arranged visas and immigration and work and study so that he could leave the United Kingdom. My medical for the immigration was done in Southampton, the arrangements made. There was no question of us leaving the UK and it was clear holidays only.
My adulting from the age of 9 years of age was supported entirely by the respite that my mums relationship with a Middle Eastern banker gave me. Chances to visit places, I would otherwise never have experienced and most importantly of all, emotionally supporting my mum and helping make her adulting with such enormous reposnsibilities bearable. She worked hard, she provided with the support of my Nan, I worked from the age of thirteen. I stood up for my Mum whenever the neighbours were rue about her. I ignored the snide comments about her and us. I studied as hard as I could and made the very best of the circumstances.
As we say even now my sister ( a very special friend at school ) and her parents provided sanctuary and safety for me. I was often visiting and staying with them. I was welcomed and fed and stayed for Ramadam more than once. She too had a part time job and family located abroad.
These people who supported me, gave me respite from the adult responsibilities that on that day I took on as I did not want to die !
Through all of the years the adult responsibilities and decision making have staye with me. The heady days of childhood I experienced were fantastic. I however view the decision Itook that day just after Christmas to be the best decision I have ever made. I knew adulting meant doing the right thing, not getting into trouble, using drugs was out of the question and being responsible was the key.
When I was attacked in later life and stood up as an adult against the immature secretive actions of violent men and sex offending, I was taken back to that day. When I was locked up, drugged, accused of lying, being psychotic and disruptive, I realised that I had to be the adult. As the men involved played at attempted murder, child abuse, attacks and the like, I maintained composure and boundaries and constructive decision making.
Forced to leave the Police Service to protect a rapist and in turn child sex offenders in local governance positions, was not unsurprising to me and as such I just adulted through it. Nothing was a surprise when aduting starts at nine and the reality of the country and the men in it is a daily struggle. There are no real surprises !
As I face the world reality of the entitlement of childhood extending ino adulthood in so many cases, the ideology of self entitlement rather than hard work. The ideology of woke Marxist ideologies, I truely see how in my grandparents lifetime, six million Jewish men women and children were murdered systematically. Because in the country where I live the population are so incapable of adulting they threw a street party to celebrate the murder of Jewish men women children and babies, hostage taking. Adulting is resposnisibiltiy, safety and standing up for safety to live free from the fear of violence and abuse for all !. As Israel rightly warns civillians to leave the area where terrorists were operating, using them as human shields to blame the west for any deaths, with an open border with Eygpt to cross. I see that the country that locked me away, drugged me took my babies and ordered on pain of criminal prosecution to allow them with a rapist, child abuser, to protect the reputation of the police force locally. As the same people I grew up around sneered and revelled in threatening to kill me after not organising medical care for my biological mother, then I realise why this question is asked. Adulting has become a rare thing in England !