It sounds an extreme answer, it is however true. In the midst of the lockdown, I was laid in bed lounging, I had done yoga and had the one hour walk ( as the only exit allowed ) The police van was parked at the corner of the street opposite the park. I had applied to return to Unoversity as i was no longer able to work in England. This was an awful year. IT issues, unable to reference work, the worst point being an entire piece references disappearing and instead referencing of New York Jewish scholars appeared in place. I was devastated as I wanted to complete not just a degree but to be able to write.
Then I returned to Portsmouth and Southsea, the city I had served so many years before. A city with a proud history of community and values. I made the academic transfer. It was so difficult to reconcile, the attacks I had experienced whilst living there and yet the massive support I felt from the community I had served. The first term, project one was to publish a blog, write three times a week on the subject of being a student. I tentatively set up the blog and wrote entirely about the reasons why I was at 49 years of a age a student. Week one I messaged my tutor to ask if he was on vacation ? The blog was being read in South America.. the answer was no.
These number grew and I wrote daily entirely from a gender specific persepctive that being female. There were problems, as the number of people and countries where the blog is read grew so to did the dificulties of being a surivor of sexual violence and torture by a police officer and two contractors. The behaviours were terrifying, thefts, damage, threats to kll and significant attempts to do so.
Yet as I write these things do not matter so much, having a voice is so much more important than anything else. It has been difficult but having the blog and my voice, at least in typewritten form has saved my life. Its that important, because women and children and vulnerable adults are unsafe when a country disregards human rights and responsibilities, where a kingdom decides to seek to overule law and place the vulnerable at risk of death. This blog saved my life. It is as has always been the case to speak, perhaps for others who do not have a voice. To set the examplr to stand up against injustice and tyranny. This blog explored the process to the High Court of England ruling that in my case (that means potentially others) police officers had covered for rape by a serving officer. The death threats the attacks failed and this blog is in part what saved my life. People who themselves are survivors or have faced such shocking treatment, read it and I have been supported in so many ways.
Blogging has helped me process my trauma, speak freely and eventually given teh evidence that the local government in Winchester did not want heard. It is still a priviedge to blog and i am publishing the first book this fall. This blog without one shadow of a doubt saved my life…..
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