I often over the years wondered about how I was born into my birth family. How my biological mother and her mother suffered enormously living in the city where I was born. I find the crushing sense of male patriarchy hard at any time. Yet somehow within a family patriarchy and male ideology of superiority of mind and treatment regardless of talent or intelligence felt crushing as a youngster. My escape was most certainly education and friendships and my mothers wise and special link to the Middle East.
Yet escape of the male ideology of a staunch left wing socialist family and area is very difficult. The dogma of unions, where equal pay is supported, yet equitable treatment is not I never found an attractive proposition. The many discussions growing up, particularly with my grandfather, whereby I had the freedom to express myself, yet my free market economic views and along with this being the only way to provide social Justice and equity for society, were not popular ideas. Yet the first time I was allowed into the lounge to discuss ‘politics’ I surely remember my succinct presentation of the idea that free market economics, profit, taxation and small government, with creative and business opportunities for communities to thrive. The importance of excellent social provision for all vulnerable members of society being a requirement. My grandfathers physical disability were not a barrier to him working, yet it was very clear that his decision to not invest privately, choosing instead government provision only was a financial mistake. One that at the end of his life was clearly marked as different, the same as my other grandparents. All received state provision which was at best perfunctory at worst it was inhumane.
I think quite simply the state cannot provide parenting or care. It can provide a framework legally that must deliver services. Yet when left to the state all too often the ideology of entitlement and male dominance in provisions, leaves the most vulnerable in society even moreso. The massive and rife virulence of sexually transmitted diseases in state care facilities was not the elderly population enjoying a golden age of sexual freedom in care homes with other residents. It was due to the shocking abuse of patients sexually by staff or family members. The problem with state care or private care, that abuse is silenced or hidden. Yet in private provision the financial penalties for failures, serve as a very real deterrent to ensure that staff provide excellent provision. The same could have been said for state run provision, except when government has the same influence of joint working with care providers and the social care and policing, abuse is easily covered.
Interestingly abuse in families is not dissimilar to state abuse. Both thrive in silence and secrecy. Secret family courts and socialist frameworks for large government and collective groups without separation of powers or legal separation of the law and government. Exploitation and abuse can be hidden and thrive without consequence. Since money is a motivating factor, a large local governance will often seek to limit any liability for its collective actions and if given access to local policing, use influence to try and cover offending. When police serve only government and not community. When armed services serve their interests within a jurisdiction rather than protecting the borders and peacekeeping functions abroad, or indeed fighting for the freedom that free markets bring to individuals, then there is yet another male dominated group, this time, trained killers, who can provide effective threat to people to not speak up. Just the same as families, where the stronger members use their physical prowess to silence and abuse, whilst others, afraid to lose status in their family.
So with both gender physical and economic imbalance across societies globally. with violence, whether famillial or within governance rife, how can economics really change this. Fast foward thirty years since the first time I was attacked by a gang of local boys, I have developed sucessfull strategies for coping with the aftermath. Knowing that I am not the exception, but part of the statistical rule. I was forced to leave my governance role with the police service after almost two decades of service, I have very little to do with extended family or those I grew up amongst bar a handful of people. My financial independance has a massive role in keeping safe. The argument that suffciency of funds and equitable pay and opportunity has no impact on the safety of women, anecdatally I disagree.
So having some time to devote to my favourite sports, I am a member of an executive club. During a social evening where the players are celebrated as a are the acheivements of the season. Its a wonderful evening, albeit my late reservtion means I am perched on a staff table with no name on the seating plan. the evening is fantastic, the acheivements of the women an male players are fantastic. I notice two names on the seating plan, maternal family friends from my childhood. During the break I wonder across the room and physically do not recognise either person. I introduce myself and their is a flicker of recognition. One of the pair announces that we had both served in the same police force unknowingly to me. There is still strog links to my extended family, including one member who was a violent abuser and is also employed in the city with access to vulnerable adults. Within five minutes of our reintroduction, the hostility is palpable both have supporting roles with the club, but it is the ex police officer who shocks me the most. Clearly assosciating with the abuser. It is at that point I see through the window to my past how th abuse was allowed. It is a secret, the abuser is protected and as long as they do ‘favours’ or provide fun their damage is ignored.
We say our goodbyes and I quietly reflect that my personal success, unlike males on the matriarchal side of my family, i not celebrated. My speaking up is unwelcome, neither of these people were involved in my abuse, they would not have possibly known, yet it is uncomfortable to face success in the form of a woman who was within both police and family was terrorised and abused openly for so long. It took me back to childhood and the fun times that were had before the abuse started. These two people where fun loving and now have a wonderful family of their own. It is however a soberig thought for us all that abusers are manipulative, persuasive and bright family orientated people like the friends of my biological mums family, were totallly unaware of the extent of what was happening to women in our family…. That is the secret of all systemic gender violence, its hidden by those who financially benefit from the secret… whether in a family or the police service or governence. The relationship between economics and abuse is more closely linked than one may expect… Women who surivive and thrive financially emotionally and socially after abuse are difficult to accept within the structures where the abuse occured…. So it was soon back to my daily life, excluded from part of my family of origin, yet grateful for having close family and friends who have supported me through the darkest of times and in the aftermath supporting my success…