All those years ago whilst I was in the depths of trauma and the attacks were still very fresh wounds, emotionally. I was pressed to provide a statement by senior officers in Hampshire. My babies at this time were very small and I feared that he would likely kill me if I stayed at what was our home or that I would be killed if I left. With an assurance from Hampshire professional standards to the officer delivering the message. If I gave a statement, I would retain my job as an officer in Portsmouth and I would receive support for my safety when I left him.
This was not the hardest decision to take. Of course I made the statement and then realised that Hampshire could not be trusted. I was not supported, instead the female support staff in the county refused to arrange any support, I ended up homeless with two very small children and my attacker free to try and find us. He was eventually arrested and whilst on bail on the advice of his colleagues in Hampshire, refused the children any items unless I handed them over to him. This started a nightmare of eighteen years of family courts, where judges tried desperately to protect us whilst officers, clergy, support staff, civil servants and anyone that Hampshire could persuade, started a massive attack to remove the children and either criminalise, kill or destroy any chance of me recovering from the attacks.
Why ? Because in England attacking your wife is legal …. YES legal. You can rape your wife and any challenge to this status quo in a religious state was not accepted as it had not been for hundreds of years! But still I spoke up every attack, every matter of harassment, child abuse or anything that he or his mates undertook against me. This was met with a wall of silence from all agencies in the County. Not the member of Parliament, local councillors no one would stand up against the attacks. The NHS ( health providers by state) made wrong diagnoses to support removal of children, the social workers ignored reports of child abuse, sexual humiliation of a special needs child, all was ignored. Yet still these reports were not he hardest decisions I have made.
Then many years later I discovered my family heritage was probably Jewish. As I looked around me I saw that my treatment and my children’s treatment was not the same. Police officers trying to break down doors, removing my child from bed to hand back for abuse, ignoring reports of attacks by the officer, suddenly I considered that this may have more to do with something that had been hidden from me for all of my life. This discovery made matters even worse. Now the attacks became more vicious. Theft of money from bank accounts, Accessing my private correspondence with friends, attacks against my children. I was left with physical and emotional injuries that mean that never again can England be my home. I am a temporary asylum seeker in Canada and my studies on hold ( how this blog started !)
So as time has gone on I was faced with the unenviable position of meeting a number of males and one presenting a potential risk to the community. I had to decide what to do ? The male who attacked me works as a police officer still and my report for information and public protection would not pass him as it was a different area, but still it was daunting. Emotionally distressed and still trying to recover from the court cases from the attacks all those years ago, could I really pass on information to protect communities…. Through tears and sobbing I sent in the details and like every other report I have made a small part of me died with sadness that the behaviours of so many men and women are so utterly devoid of morals values or acceptable behaviour….
This decision to report anything that May be of concern ( obviously not every minor issue ) is the hardest decision to undertake. But honestly the majority of women and children and vulnerable adults deserve to have public protection and that relies on accurate information about males who may present a risk…. Sarah’s. Law is there for a reason, but when a perpetrator is a police officer as in my case asking for a check on a person highlights their details to an offender who in previous years had targeted friends of mine, including reports to work places, harassment and in one case trying to run over a man I was in a relationship with… This is such a tough balance to strike and the decision is the hardest one every time ….