What does freedom mean to you?
Freedom as an idea has often been a psuedo political idea, a male idea of ruling society in such a way as provides men with power, money and autonomy to behave in ways that are ideal .. Freedom has always been inexpicably linked with revolution, war and every manner of tyranny. Is this really freedom ? Well it depends…
War and revolution to make community safe from tyranny or genocide is of course justifiable, It was an idea that I grew up to understand. That when a group are targeted and bullied and that turns to violence and genocide then to stand up agaisnt those responsible is a collective duty for freedom. This idea informed my ideas on what freedom is.
Having grown up in a matriarchal family, my introduction to living with patriarchy in society was a horrrific shock. It made me wonder if in fact women themselves are or should be a protected race ? That men so hell bent on their freedoms, their money, their greed, their sexual proclivities, often made the freedoms that just a generation before real men had sacrificed their lives for, fought against the disgusting tyrany of men and their women who tortured, raped murdered and terrorised an entire continent.
For me this male Freedom to rape, attack, steal, stalk and generally behave like barely formed animals started early. I found myself the first time it happened ( I was a very young child) thinking is this really what Freedom is. Being used for males, by males for their freedom ?
It has taken a very long time, many attacks. To lose everything from my childhood. To watch my mother die surrounded by people who gave no thought to arranging any medical treatment. One who used to make a show of telling me how much he liked her ass, one who had stood by whilst her husband abused animals, children and women. Yet so consumed with jealousy decided to blame her siblings for her failures to walk away. Seeing her, having been so angry at her rejection of her grandchildren and children. I finally saw that this was because she was not free.
For my biological mother the only freedom in the country was death. The amazing life she had lead raising my brother and I was wiped out by men and women who abused her, through jealousy and hatred. I would have rather she died alone than surrounded by the people who were the cause of that lack of freedom. Her male abuser refused to allow her to be seen alive. He and his children, waitied until she was unconcious to allow me to see her.
As she lay in his bed. He hadnt bothered to arrange for a hair appointment during her illness. Her nails were unpainted. This was the ulitimate indiginity for the woman who was very neat and tidy. The man who had called her a whore, whilst allowing her to raise his children. Sat and waited for her to die before allowing her daughter to say goodbye. As I took her hand and told her I loved her, that she was going to heaven and would be Free, I knew the hearing was the last sense we lose. I felt her squeeze my hand. Iknew she heard and that she died knowing that she was loved and special. No matter the state of the people surrounding her. ( My brother the only one with any sense of care ) I knew in that moment what Freedom is.
It is in part money, her Freedom when we were children came entirely from the support she had from her mum and the man who was part of our life, from Abu Dhabi. She died surrounded by tyranny. So much so that the sad excuse for a man and his spawn of spoilt children threatened to kill me at her wake. Whilst donning the jewellery that her partner from the middle east had bought her, a heart sapphire and diamond ring and other pieces. Freedom for them, theft, threats and disrespect.
Now as I reflect, I see that Freedom is really just living without tyranny and abuse. That in a G7 country this is far from possible is a damning indictment. I chose France as a safe country to live, because perhaps it is one of the few countries where the safety of women and children is paramount. Never again shall I feel Freedom in the country of my birth. No matter the compenstion for the attacks, the writing the blogging the books. Nothing shall ever persuade me to forgive a country that has harboured men who are violent manipulative racist violent abusers. A country that chose a rapist to work in child protection over a well trained competant women. A country that went from removing all traces of Jewish idenitification from my family for ‘safety’. To covertly allowing targeting of me and my family. Us never supposed to find out why. The cat is out of the bag. Freedom is living free from fear and tyranny. As i look at the photographs from my childhood, I see how far this country fell from those ideals. That Freedom no longer existed.