How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
A many points in my life I have failed?. Yet on reflection ( this is the key to success) I examined each of those supposed failures, whether relationship breakdowns, academic issues, career difficulties or family struggles. In each of these areas I reflected on my part in the circumstances.
You see as a child I experienced several examples of abuse including sexual abuse. However at no point did I consider those attacks my fault. In my heart I was horrified that my parents and grandparents special person ( thats me!) was being abused. Whenever I witnessed bullying or a fight, I was always mortified and keen to establish exactly the circumstances. From saving my baby bunnies from being shot, risking my life to do so, to attending police stations when my younger brother got into trouble with older boys and getting the full blame, there was a sense of justice inside me. A sense that my purpose in life was to keep my side of the street clean and accept responsibility for my life.
This responsibility does not mean that everything that happens is my fault. My interactions with people are a two way street. I approach such interactions with an open mind and consider my actions and behaviour as paramount. Treat others as one wants to be treated. Yet as a woman and a female child I knew that the world was a dangerous place for women. Being raped at a young age, sexually abused by a gang of boys and then having a male mercenary live with my family for the rest of my formative years. This was enough preparation for the world to know how dangerous it is.
This danger, is not my failure. So at every point in my life when I perceived something had gone wrong or I had failed in some way, my ability to reflect and critically analyse the circumstances and identify any part that I may have had in the circumstances was imperative. Needless to say the failures, the disappointments I experienced were directly related to my gender, rather than my actions. You see nothing in my life happened because of how I viewed myself. I consider myself and always have, as human, a bit clumsy. prone to silliness, with a sense of fun, emotionally engaged in the world around me, curious, self aware and very sensible. I have a propensity to be firm but fair as a parent, with a real and innate sense of violence and abuse having no place in a home. Alongside this I have always felt compelled to stand up for people who were unable to do so themselves, be that children, women or vulnerable adults.
The financial failures and the lack of success in my careers, was directly related to the attacks I sustained as a woman, by men. The hardest path to success as a woman is recognising this and managing relationships in such a way that they are not damaging. This gives space to thrive. however that thriving looks!