The location of the most recent post court drama unfolded in the City of Cambridge. The hearing completed, awaiting the settlement for damages, I book an afternoon tea.I dont do it often so it is a bit of a treat. I arrive, it was pre booked. I leave my coat with the maitre’d and am shown to the bar. A virgin bellini, indicates that all is not well with the young staff. It left on the bar, no serviette, no cherry no ice shake.
I briefly ask if this can be added and sip my drink and do some writing on the book ( my first book is transposing the journey this blog with a few surprises and perhaps a bit racier content. Anyway as I tap away, I sip and then to the table. The afternoon tea after half and hour has still not arrived.
Eventually when chased the stand arrives, it looks appealling, Brioche, salmon and cucumber sandwiches. The scones and Madeline, Flowerpot chocolate and red velvet cake. Sandwiches, not great the bread is really fresh but the fillings taste a little odd, the scones delicious, then leaving the chocolate pot until last I light it and smell the cream it is off, really off, rancid. I caught the smell with the first small teaspoon full. I call the maitre’d and he smells it. Yes it is off. i ask what was in the cucumber sandwich as it had tasted of anchovy and cucumber and th warm chicken filling tasted odd.
He goes to the kitchen I am feeling a bit queasy. I pop to the ladies and vomit profusely. Not great ! I figure it may just be the idea of the cream. However it is not. several visits lots of vomiting and the realisation that I have food poisoning. The maitre’d returns he explains the chef has told him the ingredients were fresh, but he himself tastes the cream and it was most definitely off. He apologises and asks if I want anything else. I calmy look at him and say yes… a hand full of fresh mint a glass of ice a caraf of tap water and a small selection of garlic cloves peeled and prepared ( all of natures most potent antibiotics. He smiles at me wildly.
The tray with the natural remedy arrives with a flourish and I ask ais this a regular or an agency chef. He does not answer. So I prepare the remedy and sit patiently for over an hour sipping the water and the garlic douche, my least favourite ingredient but the most powerful antibiotic on the planet. The nausea slowly passes. The timing is perfect, My GP messages and advises me that news from the surgery deivered in a phone call by an admin person was in error. Nothing like the NHS suggesting that with no family history and no tests my electronic record has flashed up with HEART DISEASE. The GP has checked my record and previous blood tests that were all normal.
The nausea passing, the text message content settles in and then the waiter arrives with a Vegan chocolate brownie and gold candle to wish me a happy birthday. I literally laugh as the smorsgasbrg of home remedies for what could have been a potentially life threatenig food poisoning on the table. I politely decine the Brownie and ask it be boxed with the name of the chef. He smiles and surprisingly obliges. Needless to say given that the same chef made it, it got binned immediately , but curiosity got the cat and I do a quick serch the Chef is from London and Cambridge, his picture is with a small female child.
I am left wondering if this is really just the typical male response to their race being called out for covering and taking part in too high number abuse of women and children. Needles s to say the French Maitre’d and myself chuckled about the fact that the stupidity of some Englishmen must only be laughed at. The home remedy was bearable and recovery was quick. Not quite the drama that the chef had planned but never mind sometimes poison ivy has an antidote that clearly some men do not know. I defeintely had the last laugh. And it makes an amusing blog piece. The toilets were lush albeit vomiting is not the usual view!!!!!